How to respond to a Valentine’s Day gift you don’t want, according to a relationship expert

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Human Interest

Valentine’s Day is almost upon us, and one of the challenges of the day is figuring out what to buy your partner to celebrate. Another challenge, potentially, is reacting to a wildly misjudged Valentine’s Day gift from your other half, in a way that won’t lead to the dramatic breakdown of the relationship. That’s the worst case scenario, of courseyou’ll probably just be facing hurt feeling or a short sulk. Still, best avoided if at all possible.

T3 spoke to James Thomas, relationship expert at, about how to respond to a Valentine’s Day gift that you don’t want / need / like, in a way that doesn’t upset your presumably well-meaning other half. Read on for his top tips.

And if you’re still stuck on what to buy your partner, here are some flower delivery services that won’t let you down (safe option), or you can shop the Lovehoney 50% off Valentine’s Day sale (slightly more adventurous), or check out a range of cool letterbox gifts if you can’t see your other half if person on the day.

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#1. Try and be grateful anyway

To avoid really hurting your partner’s feelings, if possible you want to avoid showing outright horror in your face. So if you suspect they’ll get it a bit wrong, it might help to remind yourself of their good intentions before you open your gift. “No matter what it is, they have taken the time to think of you and make an effort to make you smile on this special day,” says James. “Unfortunately, theyve got it wrong, but you need to remember it wasnt intentional.” Be mindful of not just your words, but your body language and facial expressions, too: “Be sure to smile and give them a kiss of appreciation.”

#2. Ask questions

Another good tactic is to respond by asking some questions. This has the dual benefit of buying you time to react, and figuring out the reasoning behind the choice. “If you receive something you never wanted or expected, you should take the time to ask questions,” says James. “By turning the attention onto them, the pressure is off you to react quickly and irrationally. Hearing the story and intention behind the gift might answer your own questions and help you to see the sweet side of the purchase.”

#3. Be honest

Even if there was a thoughtful intention behind your gift, you don’t want to overdo the fake enthusiasm or chances are you’ll end up with an equally weird present next year. James insists that you still show your gratitude whilst being at least somewhat honest. “This doesnt have to be delivered in a negative way, but in a way that will help them in the future. Something along the lines ofI wouldnt have picked this myself but…’, will tell them that it wasnt your ideal present, but you are still grateful to receive something,” he says. “If you overdo a lie on how much you love it, expect the same thing to happen on each seasonal occasion!”

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